Rev. Jeremy Ashton
SPIRITUAL BIOGRAPHY
Today I can receive,
even in the midst of considerable challenges, a
peace and power from God that once seemed
inaccessible. On the way there, though, many walls
had to break down- and open up.
I see my journey now as a process of coming to
believe, to borrow the 12 step phrase, that a power
greater than myself can restore me to sanity. And
for me, it is also a process of coming to believe
this Power can restore – save, change, deliver –
anyone. God leads me to believe His promise to pour
out His Spirit on all flesh, to write His law on all
hearts. This also was to be a healing of my
compulsion to teach, to try to sell others on what I
did not fully have myself.
It was easy for me to want to teach, because I
was always ahead of the pack. I was into the music
of India before the Beatles, into blues before the
Rolling Stones appeared, and aware of literature and
philosophy that questioned all traditions. As a
follower, in the sixties, of several New Age
practices, I was gifted to pray and meditate.
Without drugs, I could attain states that required
LSD in others. These gifts were shattered by (what I
now understand to be) certain acts of God in my
life.
I did not clearly realize it at the time, but
such endeavors are dependent on the spirit involved.
You could say, though I did not know it, I was
shopping for spirits. Eventually I would meet and
recognize the indescribable qualities of the Holy
Spirit, but I was to go through a lot of losses
first.
For example, I remember smoking marijuana in
the early seventies, and how its effects put me in
touch with the great well of pain within, and how I
wanted to run from this. Yet, I did not entirely
want to run. As an admirer of John Lennon, I was
intrigued by his journey into primal pain with
Arthur Janov (“The Primal Scream”). I wanted and I
sought my own primal scream, believing that one
giant catharsis would set me free.
But it would take years of uncovering for me to
begin accepting the reality and pain of being a
person without any emotional or spiritual parenting.
In several ways, I was emotionally stuck back in
early childhood. I was not going to experience my
real primal scream until my forties.
Eventually, ten years of full commitment to a
certain New Age path reached its exhaustion. It was
not giving me emotional freedom. I was still afraid
of people, and still hungering for love. I knew
there was one Creator of all, so I said:
God of all things, whoever you are, show me Your
way.
Around the same time, in a dream, Jesus
appeared and without judging offered me two ways -
my path or His. In the dream I chose His. I still
followed New Age in my waking life though. This
cracked when job stress pushed me to the point of
wanting either death or any other way out I could
find. I knew enough people who followed Jesus, so I
at last broke down and prayed the prayer to accept
Jesus. This was not a noble choice. I just wanted
escape from the terrible fear and stress.
Being compulsive about teaching, I found myself
in ministry long before I was ready. A modern
seminary was a great place for me to project my
hidden unbelief. Yes, I was a Christian who did not
believe and did not know he did not believe. I
bridled at all the signs of apostasy at the
seminary- dislike of testimonies, of miracles- and
even denial of the Resurrection. But it is easy to
avoid the absence of a sense of gut-level love from
God - easy to avoid this by noticing ways others “do
not believe.”
I also needed, therefore, to learn to be more
authentic. My spiritual journey has taken me to two
Master’s degrees, and I count myself as an alumnus
of the Twelve Steps, Alanon, AA and Codependents
Anonymous, inner child retreats, the Hoffman Process
(www.hoffmaninstitute.org),
La Hacienda Treatment Center (http://www.lahacienda.com/),
Beginning Experience (www.beginningexperience.org),
Cursillo, and the Shalom movement (www.shalommountain.com).
In these places I found family, met my inner child,
expressed real feelings, felt love, wept and
laughed.
Strangely, while these movements blessed me, I
also maintained my connection with the formal
church. Being a minister in the Presbyterian Church
allowed me to find some of the religious conflicts
in my ancestral roots, sources of hidden doubts
about God. In the Association of Christian
Therapists there has been an ongoing bringing to
Jesus for healing some of these religious
difficulties. ACT helped me in this journey of
religious reconciliation, as I found ways we (of
different Christian traditions) could pray through
aspects of these, and how we could forgive one
another within ACT for religious misunderstandings.
ACT also helped me find that longed-for mothering
from God through Mary, which is for me a rich, deep
and ongoing healing.
And this is my healing. Meditation has now been
restored to me. To a New Ager, meditation tends to
be techniques applied to one’s own consciousness.
You learn, for example, how to energize your
“chakras” (body-soul energy centers). But think of
it: a baby is getting this from Mother without the
baby having any training in techniques. I don’t have
to do anything to my “chakras”- it is done for me
with a heart-to-heart relationship. God is a real,
personal, presence. Even in this moment, as I write
this, I can feel the love of God in my heart without
any need to know anything whatsoever. And, after
praying through many ancestral religious and ethnic
conflicts (“generational healing”), I now feel far
less need to prescribe how anyone else may find that
beautiful, healing contact that is present for me
every day.
Note: To learn more about Rev. Jeremy Ashton's
journey, please see:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IOgOFc4bMg&feature=related
For more information, please contact:
Clergy and
Religious Chair
Sister Betty Igo, SFP, M Ed, MS
